How to deal with rude and disrespectful people. Be careful and patient
Unfortunately, loss is an integral part of human life, each of us must go through the pain of loss. And, of course, everyone has met a person who is in pain at least once. For a person who has lost a loved one, the people around him are a much needed source of support and help in an hour of mourning. And for us, an encounter with a grieving person is a kind of test of humanity, a test of the ability to sympathize, to show sensitivity and tact. Maybe that’s why many people are at a loss, not knowing how to help those in pain, what to say, how to behave. We often rely on our inner instincts, but even an expert can make the wrong decision. How to avoid mistakes?
– One of the typical options for misbehaving with a grieving person is emotional withdrawal from him, avoiding talking about the loss and feelings caused by, in other words, inaction. So a woman who had lost her adult son complained that many of her acquaintances, hearing from her about the misfortune that had happened, hurriedly apologized, “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” – and immediately transferred the conversation to another topic, leaving her alone with his pain. Most often, this is due either to the basic ignorance of how to behave in such a situation, or to the action of psychological protective mechanisms, when a person seeks to avoid discomfort and negative emotions when faced with the suffering of another.
– There are many stereotypes and harmful prejudices among people that prevent them and those around them from truly experiencing loss. Most often, they appear in the form of incorrect or harmful statements. First of all, there are untimely, inappropriate statements, generated by a misunderstanding of the current circumstances or the psychological state of the grieving person: “You are still young, you will get married again” or “Don’t cry – he would not like it. ea ”, etc.
No less common are the so-called design statements, when a person transfers his own feelings, desires, experience. Sometimes we want to say, “I understand your feelings.” But in fact, any loss is individual and is experienced by the bereaved as unique, so such a seemingly harmless phrase can cause rejection. A person who is facing a loss thinks that with these words you devalue his pain. Metropolitan Antonie de Sourozh tells a story about a young priest who came to the house of a woman who had lost her child and said, “How do I understand you! You never had a child, you never lost one, and you were never a mother. ” A similar situation arises if a sympathizer says, “You need to live your life to the fullest,” “You need to get out of the house more often,” “It’s time to mourn.” In this way,
In general, we should strive to avoid the usual “killer clichés” associated with loss: “You should be able to cope with this by now,” “You have to keep busy,” “Time heals all wounds.” It also includes phrases such as “Be strong”, “You have to hold on”, “You shouldn’t shed tears”. These verbal attitudes lead to pain underground, interfering with her healthy life.
– What should be said to prevent tactlessness and to help those in need?
First of all, acknowledge the situation. For example, say, “I heard he (ruining the deceased’s name) died.” Use the word “died,” not just any allegory (“left,” “left us,” etc.). This will show that you are open to talking about how that person really feels. Make sure you express your real concern, do not hide your feelings: “I am very sorry that this happened.” If you’re confused and can’t find the words, just say, “I don’t know what to say, but I want you to know I’m going with you.”
Ask how the grieving person feels, offer support, such as “Tell me what I can do for you.” The emotions experienced by a grieving person are the living engine of pain work. On the one hand, it is impossible to force a person to show their emotions if they are not yet ready for it, on the other hand, it is important to stimulate the expression of feelings as much as possible. Even if a person speaks very reserved about his loss, you must be prepared for a wave of emotions and support their manifestation. A person who has suffered a loss suffers from the resulting void and what cannot be changed. Therefore, for a person who is present next to him, whether he is a professional psychologist or a friend, it is primarily important to be close to the grieving person, to empathize with him, to give him a sense of support. The experience of the death of a loved one should not be taken as a problem that can be solved, so we should accept any feelings expressed and empathize with the grieving person, instead of advising him on how to deal with the loss or minimize the significance of the loss. Under no circumstances should the grieving person’s refusal to contact you be seen as a personal attack on you or your relationship with him or her. Some want help, some don’t. But by rejecting your help, the grieving one does not reject your friendship at all, and this must be remembered. We should accept any feelings expressed and empathize with the grieving person, instead of advising them on how to deal with the loss or minimize the significance of the loss. Under no circumstances should the grieving person’s refusal to contact you be seen as a personal attack on you or your relationship with him or her. Some want help, some don’t. But by rejecting your help, the grieving one does not reject your friendship at all, and this must be remembered. We should accept any feelings expressed and empathize with the grieving person, instead of advising them on how to deal with the loss or minimize the significance of the loss. Under no circumstances should the grieving person’s refusal to contact you be seen as a personal attack on you or your relationship with him or her. Some want help, some don’t. But by rejecting your help, the grieving one does not reject your friendship at all, and this must be remembered.
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Author : al muhammadi academy
